| Author |
Message |
kady
Member
|
# Posted: 24 Jun 2006 20:04
Reply
While at work tonight, people were zipping by and around and bumping into me repeatedly. I was quickly becoming angry, but thought since I was older than most of the others, I should set the mature example and refrain from screaming at them and cursing them out. So, I gritted my teeth, and said, "Sorry, I'm in everyone's way tonight." Everyone was busy, especially the managers, so I thought again that no one was paying attention to me. (I still have that shy side-- the part of me that can be surrounded by people but thinks that I'm invisible to everyone.)
Later, my manager, the woman who I swore hated me in the beginning, walked up behind me and said discreetly, "And don't say you're in everyone's way. Tell them to get out of your way, because they were in your way."
I was also called narsisistic tonight. I'm getting compliments from everywhere. 
|
lzrman
Member
|
# Posted: 24 Jun 2006 22:37
Reply
I had a very experience similar to that, no one would do the work that built up over the week, so I went to attempt in doing it with the last 10 minutes to my shift and my "ex" well call it supervisor, filling in for my real supervisor said you seem to be all over the place, except where your supposed to be. Everywhere except not here. Im like what is that supposed to mean? she wondered off and im like, no one told me im not supposed to be up here.
I got a compliment from the desk staff, work got done that was weeks old and customers benefited from my initiative.
|
polson
Member
|
# Posted: 25 Jun 2006 08:51
Reply
Kady, your manager was bang on. *nods* You were not respecting anyone, least of all yourself, by playing the martyr. If I was your boss, I'd have said the same thing. I won't have my staff disrespecting each other or themselves. If anyone gets to disrespect around here, it's ME! Muwahahahahahaha!
|
kady
Member
|
# Posted: 26 Jun 2006 22:50
Reply
If you've ever seen the movie Shopgirl with Steve Martin and Claire Danes (or better yet, read the book which was written by Steve Martin) there is a particular scene (or passage, in terms of the book) where Danes' character is talking to a coworker regarding the concept of dating over lunch. The coworker advises Danes' character how to flirt and charm a man (in particular one Mr. Ray Porter) until he is crawling on his knees begging her for more. Danes' character explains, "I don't think I could do that." The coworker asks, "Why not?" and Danes' character simply answers, after a moment of introspection, "I'm from Vermont."
My rebuttal to Polson is,"I'm from West Virginia.  "
I can't be the person who boasts," Superserver coming through! Get out of my way!" It just doesn't sound polite.
|
polson
Member
|
# Posted: 26 Jun 2006 23:08
Reply
Kady, I'm not saying you have to be rude, I'm not saying that at all. But your statement about being in everyone's way was MEANT to be demeaning to yourself, and MEANT to be heard. It's the martyr game. Perspective, deary, perspective. If someone's in your way when they shouldn't be, they're in the wrong, not you, and having a pity party over it says more about you than it does about them. It's very possible to polietly ask people to watch where they're going and what/who they're bumping into. I'll admit, you'd probably be far nicer than I would (I would have said something to the effect of "Watch what you're doing or I'll have you shot at dawn"), and there's nothing wrong with being polite and right. Polite and wrong just makes you polite.
And point of fact...there is a sign at work in my writing that says, and I quote, "DRY OFF OUR PAINT MIXER OR YOU WILL BE SOLD TO THE GYPSIES. Love, Faye."
I haven't had to get after a single person ever since putting it up. A much better result than if I mumbled hints like, "my paint mixer is rusty, everyone must hate me..."
|
nicoll
Member
|
# Posted: 27 Jun 2006 10:47
Reply
Dignified
Discreet
Integrity
vs.
Assertive
Impertinent
Impudent
Which of these sets of words can be used to describe you?
Which set of words do you want to be used?
I should so start a cult 
|
polson
Member
|
# Posted: 27 Jun 2006 21:25
Reply
Nicoll...you can't agree that Kady's response to being pushed around was "dignified, discreet, integrity".
Anyway. I want half and half. Can I have it my way?
|
nicoll
Member
|
# Posted: 28 Jun 2006 07:18
Reply
You want to push people around being inconsiderate and impolite without people thinking you are morally bankrupt?
That's an interesting idea.
|
polson
Member
|
# Posted: 28 Jun 2006 08:38
Reply
Nicoll, no no no no. I wanted integrity and assertive. I'm fine without the rest.
You're just out to slander me aren't you.  Well two can play that game.
Nicoll wears poodle panties.
Look, see? Assertive, and integrity! 
|
bria
Member
|
# Posted: 28 Jun 2006 09:35
Reply
I've thought about this stuff a lot recently. I won't bore you with any personal details, but what I came out with was this: If someone respects me, I'll respect them. If someone does not respect me, I won't respect them. And if someone tries to push me around, I push right back and we'll see who backs down in the end.
I hate even the thought of being seen as rude, or presumptious, or annoying. But I figure, if I was being unintentionally disrespectful to someone, I'd want them to let me know somehow so I can change my behaviour. So I'm doing other people that same courtesy. And if it turns out that whatever they're doing is intentional, then they deserve whatever they get anyway.
I guess my point is, Polson's right. And playing the martyr, hoping that people will realise that they shouldn't do what they're doing is, quite simply, not going to work. Because most people won't even notice. If you want something, just ask for it. And if you go about it the right way, people are going to think better of you for it, not worse. It's not a matter of being rude, it's a matter of standing up for yourself, and no one's going to respect you if you don't do that.
Rant over. :[
|
polson
Member
|
# Posted: 28 Jun 2006 10:07
Reply
Bria said the magic words! *gives out balloons and streamers*
I'll add to that...you mentioned being unintentionally disrespectful to someone. I had a situation at work where this lady FREAKED on me. Like, she freaked. She left the store, came back ten minutes later (we were closed) and then raged on me for fifteen minutes straight about how I made her feel like crap. Nothing I had said to her was intended to make her feel like crap, nor could it logicly be misconstrued to do so.* At some point I held up my hand and said, "Ma'am...nothing I said was intended to be rude or disrespectful to you, you are putting that on yourself, and frankly that's not my problem." I don't think she heard me, the point I was making, that often if you feel offended where no offense is intended then you're the only person beating yourself up. Now, if I'm being rude because I'm cranky, and I step on someone's toes, that is something I have to own up to. But I refuse to take responsibility for someone else's self-inflected disrespect.
* Details here. I didn't want to cloud my point. This lady stayed fifteen minutes past close, after having come in forty minutes prior to close in order to paint. When she first arrived, I advised her that she did not have adequate time to paint (it takes 2 hours on average for an adult to paint something medium sized) and that she should pick a piece accordingly. Naturally, she chose the largest item in the store. Then she painted furiously, feeling rushed of course, and when she finally finished and presented their pieces I said in the NICEST possible way (I have witnesses as to how nice, it was the nicest of nice nice could be, coming from me), "Just a reminder, it is store policy to recharge a full priced studio fee if you stay past close, next time maybe pick a more time appropriate piece." I was 100% within my rights at that moment to charge her another 20 bucks, but I didn't. She looked like I'd shot her, and you can tell that ten minutes in her car afterward was spent working herself into a total rage before she came back.
Even further to say, after a large fiasco, and my owner having called the store with impeccable timing and talking to this lady for nearly twenty minutes (you should have heard how this lady recounted the story, "She told me that 'next time, you should pick a smaller piece, or you'll be paying double' (throw an italics on every other word, you know)."). When she finally left, and then called BACK fifteen minutes later (btw, I was running an afterhours ladies night that night by myself, so I was STRESSED to the max as it was, this situation did not help) to apologize on the phone and it was THEN that she finally admited she didn't like how her piece turned out. That was it. That was what the whole thing was about. She hated her piece. She felt that having rushed to do it, she did a poor job, and she felt that having done a poor job on her painting meant that she was somehow a less valuable person and what I said in her mind confirmed this theory which is why she lashed out at me. Once I realized this, I completely switched gears on her and we discussed not the store hours and policies but how great I thought her piece would turn out (which wasn't a lie, she didn't do a bad job at all).
Uh...*scans up* I write big posts sometimes. Moral of the story:
1. If you offend yourself, that's not my fault.
2. Take a moment to think about what lies you're telling yourself and then STOP DOING IT.
3. Some people are crazy.
|
kady
Member
|
# Posted: 28 Jun 2006 21:07
Reply
Well, add this to the mix. Tonight, the bartender yelled at me because I went behind the bar and grabbed my own packet of hot chocolate to take to a guest. I looked at her, shrugged, and said, "If you have a problem with it, tell a manager and have them write me up. I honestly don't care." She just glowered at me and returned to work.
Point in case, I'm a backup bartender, so if the bartenders are falling behind in their work, I'm ALLOWED to go get my own stuff and make my own drinks. Also, I'm one of the few people who are legally old enough to go behind the bar because I'm a 25-year-old pathetic loser and don't have a real job. So, they can kiss my @$$.
|
polson
Member
|
# Posted: 28 Jun 2006 21:59
Reply
@ Kady
Rock on girl! Now stop adding the "pathetic loser" line to the end of your speeches and I'll give you a gold star.
|
