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crazytexan
Member
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# Posted: 6 Dec 2004 14:03
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To the People of Earth from the Zorlon Imperium:
We have temporarily possessed this person you call "CT" and will use him for future correspondence between your vulgar verbal/written language and our superior telepathic minds.
This bickering between your nations amuses us. Unfortunately you will not be laughing when your nation states will be eliminated after we land our strike forces on your planet soon. We decree the following:
1. The natural resources of your world will be taken at our leisure with no regard for the environment.
2. Strip mining and slave labor will be encouraged by your new system of government. Again, there will be little to no regard for your fragile bodies or planet.
3. There will be no more war. All of your weapons (especially those of mass destruction) will be dissolved. Resistance on your part will only cause more suffering on your race.
4. All form of taxes will be eliminated. Out of the kindness of our twelve-chambered hearts we will remove this unnecessary red-tape. Of course all income as you know it will cease to exist as well. The economy will be dissolved just like your government. You will thank us for this in the long run.
5. Most sports, entertainment, and pop culture will cease to exist. Although this sport of Curling intrigues us. We may keep it, but golf frustrates us, and we just don't get NASCAR racing. Formula 1 yes, a noble racing sport indeed, but the boxy cars must go! We will review which aspects of sport and entertainment to keep or modify. We are pissed that there is a lockout in the National Hockey League, and we will resolve that issue.
We will reclaim several of our renegade brethren that escaped to your world and have been living among you, including actor Christopher Walken, Chef Emeril Lagasse on the Food Network channel, most of the pop star singers that have been mentioned in previous posts, Prince Charles of Wales, and CBC Hockey Night In Canada commentator, Don Cherry. Michael Jackson is not one of ours, I assure you. We believe he is an escaped criminal from the Eridani System.
Michael Moore, Bill O'Riley, Rush Limbaugh, all of the Baldwin brothers, most of the pro/anti-politically opinionated Country-Western (is it Country or is it Western, pick one would you? ) singing stars, and Barbara Striesand will be sent to Quebec.
The site will then be nuked from orbit as previously mentioned. We grow weary of their incessant whining and feel that it is only fair to unite your people by removing these persons from your pathetic gene pool. Most of them wish to go to the nation called Canada anyway, so we are happy to oblige.
We will raise a defense shield to protect the rest of Canada prior to blasting Quebec since we like the surrounding provinces, especially Alberta and British Columbia. Since one of our favorite human television shows, Stargate: SG1, is filmed in British Columbia we wish to preserve the continuity of the series since all forested planets look strangely like British Columbia *shrugs*
World leaders will be gathered up and placed into our gladiatorial arenas for our amusement and appeasement of our bloodlust. Humans of course may be spectators, but don't cry foul if you are caught in a riot at the stadium. We look forward to the French Prime Minister strapping on his proverbial balls and fighting to the death.
The President of the United States amuses us with his squinting, smirking, and good 'ol boy, awww shucks schtick, but he will be served as the main course to our Imperious Leader, Supreme Overlord Zoltor. He may look a bit stringy, but will provide a hearty meal for your new Master. UK PM Tony Blair will follow the main course since he does tend to follow the US President like a pet. "Lapdog" is the word I have heard used by your people...
6. Health care costs will not be an issue since there will be none. Good luck on your survival. We give you 375-1 odds of survival in the first few months.
7. Driving issues? Hah! Your precious cars and homes will be crushed and recycled for our glorious, master planned cities.
8. The Hilton Sisters, Olsen Twins, Tara Reid and a few dozen Russian mail-order brides will be concubines of the Supreme Overlord. Why you ask? We don't know either, nor do we want to know what our Master does with these...humans.
More royal decrees will be announced to your people as our Supreme Overlord deems fit. We hope that you enjoy our occupation of your planet and be thankful for what you had. While there were times of uncertainty and stress in your miserable lives, it will pale in comparison for what we have planned.
*maniacal laughter* 
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daecrist
Member
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# Posted: 6 Dec 2004 17:08
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You are nothing compared to the power of General Zod! You will all kneel before him!
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demonvamp
Member
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# Posted: 7 Dec 2004 13:35
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JJ, he's been on the booze again...
Queen D
Although... hey, collective alien mind, CT owes me £1000000 
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crazytexan
Member
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# Posted: 7 Dec 2004 13:46
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* @ QD*
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citron
Member
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# Posted: 7 Dec 2004 14:09
Reply
Yay for Canada and hockey too It's about time Quebec got what was coming to them 
and yes, Diane, I was kidding!
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deanna
Member
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# Posted: 7 Dec 2004 15:40
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*blinks suddenly and wonders if her secret identity has been compromised*
Damn you CT...going and spilling the can before the beans were even in it! 
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hongjun
Member
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# Posted: 7 Dec 2004 16:38
Reply
*cough*
I read this and remembered CT as a green blob.
I thought we had sorted that problem out before
Hong
PS e-mails JJ to tell her to read this thread so she can save the world!
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david1
Member
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# Posted: 8 Dec 2004 02:57
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sg8472
Member
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# Posted: 8 Dec 2004 03:12
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Dear Zorlon Imperium,
It would appear that your demands are primarily directed toward the North American continent. Therefore, in an effort to avoid civil unrest, I would like to suggest you focus your efforts there, and allow the remainder of the world to go about with it's normal way.
Thank you.
Some Guy :|
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david1
Member
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# Posted: 8 Dec 2004 03:27
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<!--QuoteBegin--sg8472+Dec. 08 2004,03:12--></span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1"><tr><td><b>Quote</b> (sg8472 @ Dec. 08 2004,03:12)</td></tr><tr><td id="QUOTE"><!--QuoteEBegin--><font color="#0080co">Dear Zorlon Imperium,<br><br>It would appear that your demands are primarily directed toward the North American continent. Therefore, in an effort to avoid civil unrest, I would like to suggest you focus your efforts there, and allow the remainder of the world to go about with it's normal way.<br><br>Thank you.<br><br>Some Guy :|<br></font><!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span id='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd--><br>Didnt the britain try that during the revolution... and failed miserably?
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kittykat
Member
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# Posted: 9 Dec 2004 11:00
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All your base are belong to us 
KK
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korny
Member
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# Posted: 9 Dec 2004 16:31
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Emeril's an alien? No wonder he's so awesome.
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