nobbe
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# Posted: 7 Jan 2005 19:17
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Jan. 7, 2005. 01:00 AM
In Newfoundland, it's now two creams, two sugars
LINWOOD BARCLAY
Newfoundland and Labrador Premier Danny Williams, stepping up his campaign to bring the federal government to its knees, has banned provincial employees from using typically Canadian words, including "moose," "hoser," "beaver," "double-double," and "eh."
Premier Williams said yesterday that removing Canadian flags from provincial buildings would probably eventually make Ottawa reconsider its decision not to let the province keep all its offshore oil revenues immediately, but the time had come to turn the screws a little tighter.
"I have compiled a list of typically Canadian things and phrases, and faxed it immediately to all provincial offices," he said. "From now on, you won't be hearing that kind of talk."
It's quite common in the offices of various provincial ministries, Premier Williams noted, particularly around the noon hour, to hear employees say something along the lines of, "I'm so hungry, I could eat a moose."
"Well, I'm putting a stop to that as of now," said Premier Williams. "I think employees should be specific when saying what they want to eat. If you're hungry enough to eat a sandwich, then that's what you should say. As for Canadian colloquialisms, we're urging our workers to adopt new ones, perhaps from other countries. Things like, `I say, old chap, how about a spot of tea' or `Let's rassle up some vittles, pardner.' "
Not all employees were thrilled with the premier's new policy, but said they'd be willing to give it a try. Said one woman working in the provincial licence bureau, "It seems kind of dumb, eh? Oh crap, now I'm probably going to be fired. Could I keep my job if I asked for a coffee with two creams and two sugars?"
The premier is also urging provincial residents to stop watching CBC all the time, although this is not expected to drastically change many people's habits.
Some of the premier's suggestions have disappeared almost as quickly as he's made them. An email that went out to all provincial employees last week, ordering them to remove any Canadian paper currency from their wallets and set fire to it, was met with some resistance. Even the premier himself, asked by a newspaper photographer to pull out one of his own 20s and set it ablaze for the cameras, passed. "I have to pick up some bread and milk and stuff on the way home," he said.
On a more informal basis, the premier is urging people to say bad things about Prime Minister Paul Martin behind his back, as well as spread nasty rumours. Suggested comments include:
"Don't you just HATE him?"
"I'm having a sleepover, and I'm inviting everybody except Paul Martin."
"Like, NOBODY hangs around his locker any more."
Ottawa's reaction to these latest, extreme measures from the premier of Newfoundland and Labrador has so far been guarded.
Said a spokesperson for the Prime Minister, "If someone's having a sleepover and not inviting Mr. Martin, he doesn't even care, because he wouldn't go even if he was invited, so there."
Not long after that, the Prime Minister's Office issued a further statement: "Mr. Martin is having his OWN sleepover, and he'll be inviting his favourite hoser friends, plus a moose and a beaver, but definitely not Danny Williams."
Premier Williams is ready with even more tactics, some of which are not aimed specifically at the Prime Minister or things Canadian, but could prove very effective. If Ottawa hasn't come up with a better offer by next week, the premier will be ordering all provincial employees to hold their breath until they turn blue.
He told reporters, "That will likely be combined with dropping to the floor, stomping your feet and shaking your fists. But we're hoping it won't come to that."
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jaden
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# Posted: 7 Jan 2005 22:32
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Politicians are so petty, they are children with too much power that they cant handle and the way that Williams is acting, He seems like a toddler trying to get his own way but not succeeding, at least the way he thinks.
I can understand that there is competition between the political parties, but come on, we're Canadians, we are the last people to appear acting immature and irresponsible.
Btw, Tim Hortons is the ONLY Coffee shop that sells the BEST double double for mooses, hosers and beavers, eh?
Shaun
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